Friday, August 08, 2008

There really is no other way....

*For those of you who don't know me, or simply stumbled here for the first time...this may be too much information. I'm just saying.

Other than to say yes, Mad, I am pregnant, 13 weeks. Wow. I said it out loud, it still sounds so shocking to my ears. I left a comment over at Bub & Pie today and realized quite soon after hitting post, OK right after hitting post that I kind of let it slip. Maybe I wanted it out has been weighing heavily on my mind this much wanted and equally terrifying baby growing. I was so worried about telling all of you, my dearest supporters who still come back despite my sketchy posting schedule.

This has been an avalanche of emotions and while this pregnancy was planned, it came as quite a shock if that makes any sense.

We have always danced around the idea of one more, never say never was our motto as all our friends on Hubby's side rushed to get "fixed" and many of our friends from my side started having number three. We have our crib and highchair and most all of our gear that hasn't been destroyed after being passed around. We have the physical stuff, but I worry we might not have the mental gear.

Last summer after being a few days late and then ultimately getting my period, we decided it wouldn't be bad if it maybe did happen. Up until this point, it was always a maybe or whatever happens is meant to be and coupled with the fact that nothing was happening I really wasn't thinking about it all that much. With the girls I got pregnant pretty much on the first try and even if you toss in the miscarriages, I always seemed to get pregnant the minute we said it.

Well, last summer came and went and fall and winter and you get the idea. So imagine my great shock when mid June I realized something was up. Smells were heightened, the sight of raw food made me ill and I didn't even need the little stick to confirm what I already knew. This was about two weeks before our trip and I was feeling exhausted and sick and terrified of taking on a two week road trip with a million family members.

I was also convinced something would go wrong. I had about three blood tests before I settled down enough to even contemplate this was a reality. As we headed out for our trip, my mother-in-law figured it out after about 6 hours into the trip, but good to her word she kept it to herself. By the end of the trip though, most of Hubby's family had figured it out, the only people who didn't know were the girls. It didn't help that at about 6 weeks my bottoms did not fit and maternity clothes were too big. I spent most of the trip in yoga pants and the few maternity bottoms I could roll at the waist.

We waited until my first ultrasound which was last week before we told the girls. I just couldn't bear to tell them and then have something go wrong. They are so excited and tell everyone they meet, a part of me worries about rocking their world so much, but another part of me is convinced this baby is a gift to them.

So now everyone knows and it is fun and strange and I feel so, so old. I know I am not that old, but man I don't remember being this tired with the girls. I need and I mean that in the most literal sense to have a nap just about every day. I get sick most evenings from supper to bedtime...this often requires french fries to cure. I have gained six pounds already, which may not sound like a lot, but I gained 9 total for Papoosie Girl and 5 for Rosebud. Could this be the boy we thought we would never have? I have no idea, but Hubby really wants to find out. I don't though, so we will see what happens in September when I go back for the next ultrasound.

I am kind of jumbled up about it all still. I am glad you guys know, I feel much, much better. I hope to blog through this experience as it will most certainly be my last go round. Just saying three kids already makes my heart race a bit.

I am sure I will be seeking your guidance and insights along the way and I know you will not disappoint. Then there is the most important part of this, what will name this child? I know Alpha DogMa will not fail me in my quest for the almighty name that doesn't land me in one of those categories of hers. I am still a bit nervous and have that feeling of I am going to jinx it, but for better or worse this baby seems to be healthy and growing and right on track.