Thursday, April 10, 2008

I think you might be on to me

No new post since February, I think you are definitely on to me. It is not that I don't love blogging or anything, but I think I realized early on that I am much more of a reader and don't seem to have the discipline to pump out regular posts. They are always in my mind lurking about, threatening to spill out, but then there is ALWAYS something that needs to done, sheets to be washed, kids fed, gifts to shop for, medication to pick up, appointments, Survivor to watch - you get the idea. Then I sometimes think that while I have my own voice I find so many of my favourite bloggers pluck the very thoughts and words right out of my head and I have a little sigh and think well there, it is said and done.

Life is full at this stage, the stage where whole other human beings are dependent on you for their very survival. It makes me tired quite frankly and while this blogging world is my coveted playground for my mind and soul it is not always easy to find the time to visit.

Things are still a never-ending battle of sick with both girls on antibiotics right now and Papoosie Girl in an asthma flare-up thanks to the change in temperature. When we have days of hot and cold mixed together she goes into attack mode.

It hasn't been all doom and gloom though. Papoosie Girl had her First Communion last weekend which was sweet and sad all mixed together. She made me practice with her so many times walking down our hallway clutching her hands just so - the hand you write with underneath! She wore my veil and headpiece and all around it was one of those heart wrenching moments that you are never prepared for, the moments and milestones that go undocumented in the books.

The most surreal part of the last few months was running into one of my elementary school friends, well my best friend at The Science Centre over March Break. I had run into her before a few times, but this time we were standing right next to each other while our kids looked at something and we just turned and stared at each other. There were hugs and a fast chat, there were four kids under seven at our feet and we exchanged emails and numbers. She told me our Grade 8 class is planning a reunion and that they have a facebook page set up and everything, she made me promise to get on, since I told her I have never really wanted to join all that much.

So here I have stumbled into this severe flashback with many of my former Grade 8 friends. Most of us are married with kids and some have exciting careers in the arts and some we are still trying to locate. Finding everyone and trying to fill in twenty plus years in small email sound bytes is hard. I have to tell people that no I didn't marry THAT person - for that everyone is thankful, I have to tell them my Dad passed away, that my baby brother is married and all this is filling my head and heart with clouds of memories.

We are still working on setting a date for the reunion and I know I will go and love catching up with everyone, but there are places I don't really want to visit, memories that are better left as a distant vision, blurred and soft in the distance.

On a completely unrelated topic and an admittedly terribly awkward change in direction, is anyone as fascinated with Jon & Kate Plus 8 or is it just me? I am hooked on this show and not just because they communicate with each other a lot (not totally but a lot) like myself and my husband, but I am completely mesmerized by this family. Not the worst show to watch I know, but I really can't put my finger on why I love it so much. I mean the kids are adorable and love their attitude of creating a normal day-to-day life for their kids, but there is something more and I can't quite put my finger on it.

Spring is coming, I can feel it and with I hope it brings a lightness that I think I have been missing for awhile now. The seasons come without fail and even in our darkest hours this thought is comforting, patting me on the back saying, "shush, soon you will be warm and free."

Edited to add: Maybe I was a bit emphatic saying that my Hubby and I communicate a lot like Jon & Kate and I do realize that by some standards they come across as mean to each other...I am talking more about the reality of not always being your personal best around the person you are supposed to love and cherish the most. In our house while we are not mean to each other we do have our moments of, "how could you not know the pink hair ponies are for going out" and yes I realize that many of Jon's shortfalls are completely invented by Kate, but I think I might do that too sometimes. I love my husband like no other, but that doesn't mean he makes me a little nuts sometimes and I am sure he would say the same about me.