Monday Musings - More Like Random Thoughts

Lately I have been filled with random thoughts. Some of them are scary, some are weird, some are productive and some are just strange.

Like how I realized I clap in one direction. Are you clapping yet? I always clap with my left hand lower than my right and I use my left hand to clap against my right.

I sometimes wonder about my future kids, not the ones that are unborn, the ones here now. I wonder if I will recognize them in their future incarnations. I see glimpses of the people they are becoming and I am both in awe and scared silly to know that these are probably the only two people who will be able to call my bluff. The people who have watched me, silently at first, do all kinds of things I would never do in front of others.

You know what I mean. When it is just you and a baby in the house you can pretty much get away with anything, they can't rat you out and tell your spouse you were blogging all day or spent an hour examining your face in the mirror. Bigger kids though they can and do let your secrets out. My girls think I am working on my laptop, I have never actually said what I was doing mind you- they just assumed this. It is when I forget to turn the sound down that they usually bust me and rush over to find out what I am doing. Typing however, never causes them to rush over.

I have been thinking of trying to get my act together in the kitchen, how I am going to do this however, is another matter. I get the idea that if you prep everything ahead then the actual cooking is a breeze. I just never seem to know just how much prepping is required and when are you supposed to do this, I mean if I spend all morning prepping the food and all evening cooking it how is anything else supposed to get done?

The idea of menu planning and shopping lists is like an aphrodisiac to me, but still I don't do it well. Every now and then I vow to set a menu plan for the week, shop once and make lovely homemade meals every night. In reality I wake up most mornings with no clue of what the girls and I will eat for dinner and I end up at Longo's most days for something. We eat out far too much and I really want to change that. It doesn't help that the girls are picky eaters either. Lately we are making strides to change that and be a bit more forceful in the trying new foods department, but sometimes I just want to eat in peace.

I bought the new book from Jessica Seinfeld, Deceptively Delicious and I am still reading through it. I love the idea of hiding adding in extra vegetables into the girls diets, but I wonder why it has to be that way. Why do I need to shell out money to figure out how to get my kids to eat better? Why are they not better eaters because I want them to be?

After my recent tumble, I have been taking back every random thought I have had about secretly wishing I could break something just so everyone would take care of me for a while. Truth was I could barely keep my swollen ankle on the couch while Hubby attended to the girls all evening. I am a lousy patient, and kept straining my neck to see exactly what he was putting in their lunch bags.

So as promised a post made up of entirely random thoughts. Right now my random thought is that the girls will need their bangs trimmed before their Christmas photos at Sears in two weeks, and yes I booked the appointment at the end of August. Damn type A's getting all the good appointments! I often cut the girls bangs myself and must admit I am getting pretty good, but for photos I differ to the professionals.

Had enough? Me too. What kind of random thoughts are keeping you up?

WAIT! I have one more to share. I got the girls grilled cheese Happy Meals from that evil place on the way home from dance class tonight, please don't judge me too harshly. The whole box, meal thing was all about The Bee Movie which incidentally I really want to take the girls to see - I still love Jerry. Anyhoo, we ordered milk and got with our meals these Sipahh Straws, has anyone heard of these? The one we got was Honeycomb flavour to tie in with the movie I suppose and while Papoosie Girl gamely put it in her milk and used it, Rosebud promptly asked for her regerler straw. It smells really strong and while I get they use these meals mainly as a marketing vehicle for the latest thing we should be watching/buying/renting these straws are taking it to a whole new level. That really stings. What would Jessica say?

Monday Musings - Getting the job done

I thank those of you in advance who do read my blog regularly for STILL reading my blog despite the fact that it is far from regular lately.


I think I may have talked about this before, oh look I did! We all complain (well I sure do) that we have too much to do and so little time and I really do! For real, in real life as Rosebud would say. I am a compulsive list maker, without lists I feel very lost and unhappy. No matter how long the list might be, it is better than no list. Keeping lists is my way of freeing up my mind, once transferred to the list the problem seems more manageable.

I have a list on the side of the fridge with our big projects, house projects that we need to complete or start as the case may be. Here is a sample of that list.

House Jobs
-Put down laminate floors on our main floor (the last place we have carpet)
-Organize the basement (more on that later)
-Clean the fridge and freezer in the basement
-Fix the caulking around the tub, I also have always never been crazy about our upstairs bathroom floor, so add that to the list too
-Empty and go through our cupboards, wash them down and put everything back

Then there is MY list the list of stuff I want to do, the jobs that keep our house humming and from drowning in our own crap.

Jen's List
-Finish putting our Florida pictures in the album, put away our travel stuff (brochures, pressed pennies, menus, miscellaneous vacation schlock)
-Print our recent digital photos and put them into albums, I have not printed since May. Since Papoosie Girl has been born I have been vigilant about putting our photos into albums with white paper dividers on the pages for me to record dates, add captions, etc. My girls love to look at these albums and if I have done nothing else this is my crowning achievement of home organization.
-Sort and put away Papoosie Girl's Grade One work into her keepsake tote
-Craft alert: help the girls glue the damn shells on the wooden frames my Mom bought after we got back from Florida (last summer)
-Put all our extra photos, remember what it was like before digital? You got the photos back from developing and used maybe half of them for albums and family and tossed the rest somewhere? I bought some cute photo boxes with dividers so I can get rid of all those envelopes.
-Figure out what to do with all those greeting cards. I love cards and give them freely and in turn we receive cards. I like to keep them, but this creates a lot of cards in our home. I have two hat boxes full and while I did let the girls use some of our old Christmas cards for crafts we still have many, many cards. They are special to me and I hate the idea of getting rid of them. I think I could purge them though and only keep the really special ones.


The basement is another story all together. I have made attempts in the past to organize our basement. Keep the Christmas stuff together, keep our high school and university stuff in one spot, our Royal Doulton dishes we have never used in one spot, you get the idea. The problem is that when you move into a house you have less stuff than you do say ten years later. As time goes on you stuff your newly acquired crap in every nook and cranny you can find. It is random as long as it is put somewhere. Now ten years and two kids later we need to take a step back and give this basement some thought.

Our basement is not finished and we basically use it for storage. There is a small area we have carpeted for the girls and we have some of those funky IKEA toy storage shelves with bins. The girls can come down and play and get their dress-up clothes any time they want. This area is generally organized and I won't include it in my disdain for the rest of basement.

The basement also has about 25 Rubbermaid totes (no joke) with kids clothes. I keep all of Papoosie Girl's clothes for Rosebud and I keep what Rosebud is outgrowing for my goddaughter. It is a non-stop merry-go-round of clothes shuffling, winter in, summer out, too small in, too big out, next summer, boots for next winter...it NEVER ends.

So between the wall of totes, our holiday boxes, keepsake stuff, photos, dishes we have no room for upstairs, and a husband who keeps the box from every single thing he buys; our basement is getting kind of stuffed around the edges.

How do you keep everything in order? How often do you clean everything out? It has been several years since we did a big clean out, taking everything off of every shelf, purging and putting it all back nicely. When the basement gets too crowded I feel claustrophobic every time I go down to the basement. The rest of the house is fine, peek in my linen closet, open my medicine chest, the pantry is pretty good; but the basement is annoying.

Why I let it annoy me is another story. With all the day-to-day things on my plate the basement hardly seems important, but looky here is a whole blog post devoted to it! Here is the thing, what I have noticed is that when my mind is cluttered I look to my home and what is around me to see where the problem lies, but this time it is my mind that is cluttered. I am wrestling with some stuff that I shouldn't* really blog about and it is weighing heavily on me. Nothing life threatening or earth shattering, just stuff I am not really ready to talk about here yet. Do I stay on the school Council? Do I put up a fight so my daughter can participate in her First Communion with the rest of her class? Do I have another baby? How do I get myself healthier and carve out a bit of time for myself that doesn't involve sitting on my arse reading blogs? How on earth do you get dinner on the table every single night?*

*So maybe I am ready to talk about them a little. Just a little though.

My mind and my basement need a dusting and airing out. These things on my mind are preventing me from being able to concentrate and I hate that the constant narrative that is normally harmless and even enjoyable is now bothering me. I want to be fun and happy and carefree and my big dumb old brain won't let me. There will always be things on my mind, it is my ability to park stuff in the back of the lot that I need to work on. Everyone worries about their house, work and family; it is human nature. I just hate when it gets too near the front and it starts bubbling over in that frothy way.

Getting the job done in my case may involve a lobotomy.

Monday Musings - A Little bit of Everything

Today was Rosebud's very first day of school. Here's the thing, it was a non-event. I feel bad even saying that, but it is true. We got ready, took lots of photos, went to school, waved bye and she was off. I didn't have a lump in my throat or that lurching feeling in my stomach and I was not rapidly blinking back tears. I mean I am still sad and overwhelmed and cannot believe I have two school-age children, but really I am fine. Doesn't she look cute? She wanted to look fancy, but casual (her words) and she wanted her rainbow feet which is what she calls these tights.


What did I do with my two and half hours of new found freedom?

A) Have a leisurely breakfast somewhere alone, reading the paper?
B) Come home and have a nap?
C) Put my feet up and watch TV?
D) Clean the bathrooms?

If you choose "D" you would be correct. I took this chance to use my heavy-duty cleaners and give the bathroom a good scrub. The thing is after drinking my Tim's coffee and having breakfast (after dropping the girls at school) and answering the phone calls from everyone wondering how this morning went, I had about 45 minutes left before I had to go pick her up. My routine has just gotten busier with three daily stops at the school, but I am sure I am going to be enjoying my two and half hours of freedom everyday.

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Remember that Friday was my 10th
anniversary? Well, I thought I would post some pictures of my loot. We went out to dinner to The Keg then to the Cirque du Soliel show Kooza and I got two dozen roses, a lovely card and beautiful diamond stud earrings. I don't really wear a lot of jewelery, I wear my wedding and engagement rings and I have ring I wear on the other hand that was a gift when I had Rosebud. It is a lovely ring with three square diamonds to commemorate the three girls in the family.

I wear those and my watch everyday and I wear a chain with a cross that I don't take off. I usually wear one of two or three pairs of earrings all yellow or white gold and all pretty classic, I don't wear a lot of costume jewelery although I do have some nice stuff that I sometimes wear to weddings or fancy occasions. I have one pair of small hoop earrings with diamonds that were a gift from Hubby when I had Papoosie Girl, those are my fancy earrings. In the house though, no jewellery (sans necklace) all rings and watches come off the minute I am in the front door, I cannot work with anything on.

So while everything is pretty classic I am fairly well decked out in diamonds if I have it all on at once. I must admit I have always loved diamond studs for their classic look and clean lines, but I was shocked to get them. I was thinking dinner and a night out were plenty, so I was not only surprised, but touched that he would pick something he knew I always wanted.






Enough about the gifts though, what I wanted to share was the wrapping. Hubby is obsessed with all things paper, boxes, ribbon and bows. He taught me how to make a bow out of ribbon - I used to buy them ready-made of course. Now he needs to know about paper and stock weights and finishes for his job and he can pick up just about any type of paper and tell you all the qualities, but that isn't even it. Even before he worked at this job he would bring me to paper stores, box stores, packaging stores, you name it. He would lovingly touch and admire all the different types of paper.

He bought this box, wrapped it himself, chose the co-ordinating tissue - everything. He really believes that if you take so much care in choosing the gift your efforts in the presentation should be the same. As a woman I must admit I was a bit shocked at his abilities in this area, after all most guys, or I should say most guys I knew would more likely hand you a gift still in the bag from the store. His abilities more importantly made me look bad, I mean I am a good wrapper and all and can choose a good gift bag, but he rises above me. This also can be a sore spot for some of my friends, can I help it if I am spoiled? The way I see it, it is a two-way street and nice begets nice around here.

One last thing about wrapping. He thinks the above gift is one of his best efforts to date and while it is nice it doesn't compare to this one. Christmas 1999 he saved one of my gifts to give me on New Year's Eve. When I opened this book I thought it was cute and funny joke, a romance novel about the year 2000. I actually put the book down until he told me to open it and check it out. As you can see he hollowed it out and hid a necklace inside. I always thought this was the best and most creative wrapping job ever and wished I had thought of it.











So there, a brief glimpse into the strange combination of manly man who watched his team play Sunday in appropriate team t-shirt and the man who took me to Kooza Friday night and gave me such a pretty, pretty box.

We were supposed to watch the CBC show Test the Nation: Watch Your Language for fun last night as well, but we were both too zonked. We taped it and have our score cards ready, did any of you watch it and have a friendly competition? He's going down for sure, I am convinced he can't beat me at this game.

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So those are all my random updates for today. Papoosie Girl's dance class starts tonight so we will be on the run this evening. I only allow one evening out a week, beyond that I just don't think I could manage. Swimming is Saturday morning's and Rosebud's dance class is in the afternoon right after school. Am I the only one who thinks this is plenty, one class each and swimming which I don't consider extra-curricular I think of it more of a life skill? I would love to put them both in piano, and brownies, and skating lessons, but I know none of us would enjoy being out five nights a week. I know people who do it though, they have something everyday of the week. Personally, I just could not do it and my kids need their down-time to just unwind and be together.

I feel a little more settled today, like this week is going to unfold a bit better than last week. I love September and can't wait for those crisp mornings, apple picking, and cozy turtlenecks.

Hey Hey From PA

We just got back from a whirl wind vacation touring the state of Pennsylvania. I am in the process of unpacking and catching up on real life - bleah. I promise to have a lovely post regaling everyone about my travels soon. For now, a taste of our family's version of fun.

For the record, I am not a huge fan of football. I am however, a huge fan of my husband and this was his moment. His love of the Steelers is something I will never quite understand and it goes back to his childhood, but along with his love of Macintosh and Diet Coke it certainly defines him.

He is the smartest person I know and will always beat me in Jeopardy no matter how hard I try to cheat. He is a techie who provides IT support to everyone we know, he is well-read on so many topics it ruins most games - unless you are on his team and he knows more about fine china than I do. He is a strange mix of manly man, techie geek and culture. Instead of just heading to a resort somewhere he wants to show us things and teach us stuff and have fun. He wants to go to museums and sports stadiums and loves to shop! This week is our tenth anniversary so I guess this was a little tribute...thanks honey for 10 great years! I'm still having fun.

In addition to Pittsburgh our trip also included, a trip to Hershey - yum, the Crayola Crayon factory and a trip to Great Wolf Lodge in the Poconos. This vacation was like a giant field trip for us and the girls, at one point someone asked me if I home schooled since I was so busy explaining things to the girls.

Did I mention Pennsylvania has no sales tax on shoes and clothes? Yeah, it was a good trip. More details later I promise. I missed you my blogging friends, I really did. I have many posts to catch up on and I can't wait to see what I missed.

Monday Musings - Cue the Loons

We recently spent a week at a cottage in lovely Haliburton. Not the cottage we rented mind you, or so the story goes. Our friends have a cottage, well it is one of their parents, but for the purpose of this story it was theirs. We have been to this cottage many times and have always enjoyed our days of sunning and swimming, Kawartha Dairy ice cream (Moose tracks - yum!), trips to Robinson's and playing games in the evening. We have only been to the cottage twice though since the girls have been born, our trips have dwindled in that way that only small children can induce.

This year our friends mentioned that the cottage next door could be rented if we were interested. We talked about it and despite knowing that this was not a vacation in the sense of a break from the daily grind of cooking and cleaning - we just moved it North, it was a holiday with friends and was too good to pass up. I have such wonderful memories of the cottage we rented for years in Bobcaygeon, I wanted to give that to my girls, despite my horrible selfishness that screamed, "hotel you fool!" Don't get me wrong, I am not a pampered city-girl who is afraid of a little hard work and good old fashioned nature fun. It is just that Hubby and I are very protective of our vacation time, it is our time to be together just us and to really spend time together. For us that usually means being away from home just the four of us. Hubby works extremely long hours which makes my job long too, we feel strongly that our reconnection as a family comes from our vacations, no matter how short, and our ability to get away from the daily grind and unplug ourselves as well. (Stepping down from soapbox now.)

My childish memories of those weeks at the cottage are not marred by the drudgery of packing, cooking, cleaning, sun screening, dressing, undressing, fetching snacks, fetching drinks and rinsing sand off of nether parts. I really wanted my girls to experience a week of being dirty, playing in the sand for hours, wearing mismatched clothes, looking for minnows, making s'mores, playing with their friends and being free of their mother's neurotic tendencies for a few days.

So it was a deal. We contacted the owner of the cottage, an eighty year old lady who told me not to worry there were two fridges - one for the beer. Our phone calls were always lively to say the least and we were excited about having our own space and being able to spend a week with our dear friends, a win-win so to speak. It turned out though that another set of friends were interested in coming up, so now we would be a group of twelve, six adults and six children. More the merrier I thought, knowing we could retreat to our cottage at at he end of the day for a little family time.

In the time between us renting the cottage and our actual trip the cottage was put up for sale. This didn't seem like a big deal at the time and I was really not worried. When we arrived though the cottage was a little more homey than I might have liked and worse the people who had the cottage before us had a large dog. Every possible surface was covered in dog hair and after an hour of three of us vacuuming we gave up trying to get the hair off of everything. I must admit it was not one of my shining moments and in a rapid series of events I phoned not only the owner of the cottage and the real estate agent (a relative of the owner), I got my money fully refunded and we got to keep the cottage for the week on the condition that the agent could bring people by to see the property. Yeah there were tears too. In the end the agent felt it was only fair since not only was the property for sale, we were going to have people coming to see the cottage all week. Not my idea of a relaxing family vacation.

The issue was not the mouse traps everywhere - dozens, it was all the mouse poop and dog hair all of which would send Papoosie Girl into an asthma attack. The slanted floors, rustic decor, plastic curtains and musty smells were quite "cottagey" and that was charming, the rest was just plain scary. Since our other friends were arriving the day day after us we heading to our friend's cottage next door and decided to think about the rest later. I knew that there was no way we could stay in this cottage, we would have to decide what to do, stay or go home.

Later that evening over tea my friend and I went over the sleeping arrangements and after getting agreement from both our husband's to each take a sofa for the week, we managed to find sleeping arrangements for all twelve people under one roof. This is not a huge cottage, but we managed in the end to all be quite comfortable for the week and I am not going to lie - there were some moments when it felt a bit too cozy, but otherwise it was actually fun.




It was work too though, we spent a lot of time prepping, cooking and cleaning up after ourselves. Our cottage had no hot water (the water tanks were in the process of being replaced) so we lugged many baskets of dishes to the cottage next door to wash them. We kept hot water on the stove for washing hands etc., but for the most part we did dishes and bathed next door. Except the for the guys they bathed in the lake most nights. For real! They would all head into the lake as the sun was setting and they would stay out and talk for up to an hour. Maybe for those of you who are more rugged and camp or have your own canoe and stuff this may not be all that novel, I realize that. For me though, bathing in a lake is not an everyday occurrence or even something that remotely appeals to me. I have too many Jaws issues to get into any body of water after dark.

My Hubby was put on breakfast duty three times for his chocolate chip pancakes and custom omelette's. We ate some wonderful food and so much junk and treats (once the kids were in bed) our nightly ritual was to break out the treats an make a pot of tea and pick a game once the kids were settled for the evening. Games of Trivial Pursuit, Scattegories, 20 Questions and Pictionary would make us laugh so hard I would nearly pee my pants.

I felt a little lost though too. I am used to the four of us being together on vacations and doing lots together, well everything together really. Here I could be in the cottage washing dishes while Hubby was with the girls at the beach and I never really felt we were together for any length of time. Does that sound ungrateful? I don't mean to sound like that, we did have fun and the girls had the best time, I personally felt like we were always doing something different. I think we managed to get into the lake at the same time twice. Sometimes in large crowds I find it hard to feel connected even if the people I want to feel connected to are near me.

So how was the week? It was fun and crazy and crowded. We ate, laughed and got to know each other better. I discovered a sweet, funny and smart little boy in my friend's son. A little boy who asked me everyday to catch him a minnow. We had a lovely lunch on the water in Huntsville to celebrate a birthday. We made s'mores around the campfire, my first ever, and I wasn't the only one - it was the first s'more for several of us. We were sandy, sticky, and washed clean in the fresh cottage air. Each night the loons would cry out after the blazing sun would set right over our lake. There was a moment one evening when the kids were asleep and the grown-ups were sitting around the table getting ready for our nightly games, a moment that almost seemed too perfect. Cue the sunset in all it's blazing glory of orange rippling on our lake and cue the loons with their haunting song. I try hard to live and be in the moment, something I rarely achieve, but here for a moment I was in the moment, a moment so perfect it seemed years and years in the making.

We are going away again at the end of the month a seven day road trip across Pennsylvania...with visits to Pittsburgh, Hershey, Easton and the Poconos. More details later on this though. It will be just the four of us and we are so excited about our trip.

It was hard to find pictures without all the other kids in them. Rosebud would actually nap herself and grab her pillow, blanket and "plugs" each afternoon and fall asleep herself on the sofa no matter what was going on in the cottage. The other little napper was faking though and the little guy beside the couch would steal her "plugs" right out of her mouth as soon as she fell asleep! The shot with Rosebud in the air is one of my faves' and yes Daddy would catch her. Papoosie Girl ate three s'mores and begged for another. It really was a good week, Mommy is such a frump!

Monday Musings - Beautiful and Sad

Yesterday was my brother's wedding and it was a wonderful day. The bride was radiant and my brother made a dashing groom. They are a well-matched, lively and creative couple who complement each other in every way. We got rained on, but other than that the day was lovely. The day is still in many ways a jumble of emotions for me. My feelings about my Dad, seeing cousins I had not seen in 11 years, seeing family friends who knew me as a child and now are shocked to see me with children, the fact that my brother thanked every member of the wedding party, the bride's family and his family - but forgot me and my family. The girls felt a little left out too and that hurt more. The bride was busy with all her girls and family members rushing about, we were in the house ages before we were acknowledged. This is the frenzy of getting ready for a wedding, but for my little girls all primped and ready to be oohed and aahed over it was a bit sad. We did eventually get to the see the bride and all was well after a few pictures and minutes posing with the bride.

There was however, no mention in any of the speeches of me, Hubby or the girls. Am I smarting? Yup. Many people noticed and have commented, I mean we sat at the prime table with his Mom and grandparents. I am sure it was not intentional, but I felt so left out. We worked so hard to prepare for this day and prepare the girls. This is still a little raw and I am sure a perspective will be gained further along the way, but my heart broke a bit when he reached the end of his speech and thanked or mentioned everyone else but us. The bride and groom both loved the slide show we put together with all their baby pictures and current pictures set to music, they were both in tears and told us so, and I know they loved it, I really do. I thought they might mention that at least, but no luck.

They both hugged us and told us how happy they were to have us there throughout the night, I know that is really all the thanks I need. I guess that shout-out meant more to me than I thought. Why is it that knowing you are loved and special and valued is so much different than being told so, is that why we blog then - why I blog - to be told over and over that I matter?

Maybe I was expecting too much. I did not have a say in how my family evolved. My parents divorced when I was a child, both remarried, my Mom would remarry for a third time. My father had two more children and while I love them fiercely maybe you cannot forge a bond that just isn't there in that deep, complicated way living together your whole life gives you. After my father died I made a promise to myself to keep the ties strong with my brother, sister and Step-mother. They are a link to him that no one else has with me. They belonged to him just as much as I did. Without him though, we are left to forge and flounder and find a way to remain a family.

Was this most likely a completely unintentional over-sight of the bride and groom during stressed out moments of cobbling together a speech the night before (knowing my brother), yes probably. Do I have any right to feel so sad over this? That remains to be seen. I certainly do not want them to know how I feel, since I think that this is one of those things that looms large in the forefront of your mind and eventually settles a bit further back day by day until you cannot remember why you were so upset in the first place.

I have got myself out of bed to write out elaborate responses to situations only to tear them up upon the light of day, I know this is one of those cases. My heart is hurt - my ego maybe more; and it smarts, it really does. I feel better already sharing this out loud, the words before me make it less so somehow.

And on to the beautiful.

The girls looked liked angels and behaved so well it was actually a very easy day despite the hectic pace and long hours. They walked up the aisle right on cue and sat on the alter steps for the entire 45 minute ceremony, they were so, so good. Many people came up to me throughout the day (and night) to tell me what pleasure they were to be around all day. Most of the other children ran wildly about and while no one seemed to mind, and they didn't disrupt anything really, it was just really clear that our girls were not behaving like the other kids.

This was a bit of a dilemma for me. I often wonder if we are too hard on the girls or if our expectations are too high. The girls did not have one meltdown or tantrum all day, the only hitch was that at some point Rosebud just wasn't interested in smiling for anymore photos so I promised we would go somewhere special as a reward for all her hard work as a flower girl. We are going to the chosen indoor play land tomorrow, a deal is a deal. They ate their meals and were generally such good company I could see a glimpse of the future where our time spent together is less about wrangling the girls and more about being with the girls.

Omaha Mama made some good points on the fine lines and slippery slopes of good behaviour, attentive parenting and kids being kids. This topic makes its round around the blogosphere every so often. I certainly did not tell my girls they could not have fun or run around. I prepared them for the day by explaining the church is God's house just as always and even though it is a fun occasion it is a special day and we must behave like special guests.

During the dinner the DJ had to ask the children tearing around the dance floor to take their seats after several near misses with the servers carrying huge trays of food. Several parents took their kids outside to run in the lobby area, rather than fight them into their chairs. Rosebud eventually fell asleep on my lap and was transferred to her stroller for the remainder of the evening. Papoosie Girl stayed up until 11:30pm dancing with her Dad and three grandmothers, until 11:30pm when she suddenly declared she was tired and needed to go to bed. My sister-in-law took the girls home for us so we could stay a bit later.

We approached the day with the attitude that we would try everything accordingly to the schedule and just see how things went. We started our day at the hair dressers at 7:45am, went to the bride's house for photos, the church, the park for photos, the hall for more photos and the reception. I never imagined it could go this smoothly and I wonder if all the stars and moons aligned for this one perfect day? A day so perfect we keep looking at each other to confirm it really went so well.

Weddings can bring out emotions you forgot were lurking about. Beck blogged about this very thing tonight as well. Seeing family you have not seen in a long time. These people are your flesh and blood, look like you and share a common bond, yet are strangers. You make promises to see each other more often under less orchestrated circumstances knowing that it will not happen, even though you really mean it at the time. I discovered that myself and two of my first cousins gave our children the same middle name, our maiden name in fact. Life goes on and the new family you have created becomes the focus, the object blocking the rest of the view finder.

I know my brother loves me. I know this is and it has it been a complicated and delicate dance of being family and siblings, while never having the opportunity to live together. None of us chose this path, not him, not me and not my sister. We are all family though and will continue to love each other, our captain is gone, but we sail along none-the-less. I wished every Christmas for a brother or sister and was lucky to get one of each.

I truly am grateful to be a part of his special day, he has grown into a wonderful man and his bride is a treasure. It was not a day to be all about me or my feelings and I so get that. You cannot prepare your heart for such day however, it is not quite as tidy as dress fittings or searching for the perfect shoes. So enough whining.

In case I have thoroughly depressed and or bored you with the ticker tape of neurosis that resides in my head, I offer another dose of extreme cuteness. Being flower girls was the thrill of a lifetime for the girls, it really was, and I am so thankful that they were asked.

Monday Musings - Just the Facts (and a few Habits)

That sweetie Beck tagged me for this meme which I have sort of done before, it was weird things about me. This meme is about facts and habits, so here goes.





No, not these Facts....


Here are the rules:

A. Each player lists 8 facts/habits about themselves. Will do.

B. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed. OK

C. At the end of the post, the player then tags 8 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog. Not going to happen, everyone I know has been tagged.

8 Things About Me You Don’t Really Care About You Need to Know:

1) Habit - If I am doing more than one load of laundry during the day I sort the items by person as they come out of the dryer to make folding faster. I use three baskets, one for each girl and one for us. If I have towels I use another basket for them.

2) Fact - I have no tattoos, but my ears are double-pierced. I have not put earrings in the second holes in years. Want more? I did the second myself with an ice cube and sewing needle. This is true, I swear. It is also true that it usually took about three nurses to hold me to get a needle as a child.

3) Habit - I try to touch papers once, a habit I learned in my past office life. I either make a note, file it, or recycle it after I receive it. This doesn't explain all the things on my cork board in the kitchen, but it sure sounds good. Actually, the cork board is usually full of appointment cards or invitations, full of helpful maps and registry cards.

4) Fact - My middle name is Ann, without the "e". I have always wanted that "e" just like a certain Miss Shirley.

5) Habit - I never go to bed with dirty dishes. I cannot relax for the evening until my kitchen is clean. Other chores can wait, not the kitchen.

6) Fact - I rarely wear deodorant, it gives me a rash. Well, not so much a rash as it just irritates my skin. When I do use it I use Dove for sensitive skin which is the least irritating I have found. I shower everyday and use cornstarch powder and everyone always tells me how nice I smell. Even on the days I don't wear any perfume. I also don't get any sweaty marks on my clothes.

7) Habit - Checking my blog for comments or new posts on Google Reader five times a day.

8) Fact - I am considering having another baby...well it might be a joint decision, but you get the idea.


All Done

Monday Musings - Playing House

When we first got married I felt like we were playing house. I kept waiting for someone to out us and take away our pretend life. When I look at the photos of us in the sales trailer proudly standing beside our model of house I think what babies we were, I can't believe they sold us a house!




We have many photos documenting buying our home and the progress of it being built. I don't think any of those photos quite capture the essence of playing house quite the way these photos do. Nor do any of us in the house the first few years.


When pregnant with Papoosie Girl I bought this adorable mint green snowsuit with paw mitts and a kitty face from The Bay. It was the first baby item I bought and I just had to have it. As soon as I got it home I put in on a stuffed dog and tried it out. Why there are no sheets on the bed is a mystery, I was cleaning them perhaps? This was the guest room that would become the nursery painted a most beautiful, soft robins egg blue with accents of sage green and cream. I was inspired by the bedding we bought and built the colour scheme around it. It is now Rosebud's room and Papoosie Girl has moved into the bedroom next door which is a shocking Pepto Bismal pink. I still love my nursery and seeing it in its former life is strange.

Papoosie Girl came home from the hospital in that same snowsuit and wore it for several months. Now we were playing house with a little doll. In the photo she is packed up and ready to leave the hospital. When I look at myself holding up that stuffed animal in the snowsuit I feel a mix of emotions. The knowledge that I have now of how my life would change forever staggers me. The me of before would never have been able to understand that. Everyone tells you life changes, you change, but those are words to be understood in the moment and moments that follow the car ride home. I remember thinking as we walked out of the hospital New Year's Eve 2000 why are they letting us leave? I kept waiting, right up until she was buckled into the car, for someone to tap us on the shoulder and stop us. Stop imposters! They put that snowsuit on a stuffed animal!

Of course we did bring her home and there she stayed, a brand new member for us to play house with and indeed we do.

Monday Musings - Thanks Daddy

Thanks Daddy...

*For taking us to Home Depot, grocery shopping, the gas station, the car wash, for oil changes, for coffee for Mommy and all the other great places you take us when Mommy is "enjoying her peace and quiet"

*For letting us put hair bows in your hair and not yelling, "ouch" like Mommy does

*For taking us on great adventures and even when it is supposed to be educational we always have fun

*For teaching us how to throw and catch and hit even if our skills are a little shaky

*For teaching us about space, math, physics and all the stuff Mommy avoids

*For making chocolate chip pancakes every Sunday and making them in princess and frog shapes

*For getting us treats when we are out even if our idea of keeping it a secret is to blurt it out as soon as the van is in the driveway

*For letting us pick presents for Mommy even if they are a hunter green velvet tank top in size small (and for always keeping the receipts)

*For loving the homemade t-shirt with our hand prints just as much as your "Steelers Dad" shirt

*For cutting our grilled cheese sandwiches in shapes with cookie cutters

*For knowing that is OK to leave the house once in a while without 7 bags, a sweater, a hat or a drink and survive

*For working so hard so Mommy can stay home and take care of us every day

*For being the Best Dad in the whole wide world

Love Rosebud and Papoosie Girl
xoxo

Monday Musings - Shh I think I am becoming a b@$%h

In recent weeks, well really months I have found myself speaking up and out in a way I never have done before. If you knew me in my real life you would know I have never been one to make waves or cause a fuss. I may be a talker, but conflict has never been my speciality. I would rather lop my own arm off than start a fight with someone.

That was then. In the last little while I have not only confronted people I have engaged them in a way I have never done before with little regard for the pot I was stirring. I find myself much less tolerant of situations where there is an easy way to resolve it, I am not interested in finding a manager or consulting a guide; I want resolution and I want it now.

I have no tolerance for silly, politically correct, dancing around something conversations. I hear my voice saying things like, "what is it exactly you are trying to say?" or worse, "is there a point you are trying to make?" My frustration bubbles up so fast these days and threatens to boil over into all the burners much too often. A fellow School Council member was recently quizzing me about the discussion in the meeting they had missed, asking me over and over why didn't I bring this or that up. I finally said, "if you were so concerned you should have been at the meeting last night." I was not asked anymore questions.

I am afraid my sudden tell it like it is attitude is going to land me in big trouble soon. I recently snatched a lollipop out of Rosebud's startled mouth while visiting some family. I had been very clear that the girls were not to be eating any more candy. I have repeated asked this family member to not ply my children with cookies and candy each time they see them (which is not all that often, but often enough), offer them something else I would suggest if you really think they are hungry. So the other day I snapped and told them that each time they fill the girls pockets with treats I throw them out. To be fair this family member agreed it was just their way of getting an extra hug out of them, and has since agreed to lay off the candy.

We have so many friends with kids with fillings and the dental bills to prove it. Kids as young as 4 and 5 having root canals, silver teeth, and fillings. Is candy all to blame? Nope, the dentist cites saliva issues and high bacteria counts, but you know what - it cannot be helping. My Mom gave the girls Crocs for Easter this year in my war against unnecessary treats and my Step mom gave them Chapters gift cards. And no the Easter Bunny did not leave a trail of frozen peas, we had chocolate, plenty of it - I am just trying hard to limit the flow into the house.

I digress. I am a bitch I fear these days. No one is immune from my wrath it seems. I have adopted an attitude that enables me to speak much more freely though and not get pushed around half as much. Hubby jokes that I was sooo much easier to get along with before, but I know this is what he has always wanted for me, to find my voice and use it. When I met him I could scarcely order from a menu without checking with him first. I was recovering from a very combative relationship where I quickly learned to keep my mouth shut. I think initially, I was so relieved to be able to think and speak freely I was simply happy enough with that. Years later though I find myself wanted more, willing to step up to the conflict a wee bit more. I will never be a yeller or a fighter, it is just inherently not my nature. That doesn't mean though that I am not embracing this other side of myself. They say life's a bitch, they just haven't met me yet.

Monday Musings - PTAhhhhhh

I am member of my daughters School Council, I am in fact the Secretary. My job being to take all the minutes and distribute them and check and sort the mail. We have a meeting tonight, in an hour in fact. The girls are at Yia Yia's house so I am supposed to be eating dinner (bowl of cereal so far) and getting ready for the meeting. I am getting ready and normally while I wouldn't say I look forward to these meetings I usually don't mind going. The members are all nice people and the teachers too, the Principal is fine too. And, even if they weren't I'd never tell, I have discovered I have a real fear of Principal's in general...even if they are not mine. Ours is rather dour and not much fun and tries very hard to make all the meetings morose and even though I am all grown-up there is the way this person looks at me that makes me all want to blurt out, "I am the one who pulled the alarm!"

I got involved when Papoosie Girl was in JK, keener that I am. I wanted to help! Be involved and make a difference! The truth is we have a school population of just over 400 kids and we have a bare bones Council with five of us in positions and about four more who attend fairly regularly and help when there are events. As part of the mandate there are also two teachers who attend and are members and the Principal, there is a binder about 12 inches thick with all the rules and guidelines the Council must follow. The Board takes this very seriously, no mocking allowed at all. Not even if your comments are the tiniest bit funny.

I have no more time to give than anyone else, but I feel very strongly that in order to have a say you have to be willing to put in a bit of effort. Several of my friends are on Councils that are vibrant there are actually so many people who want positions they vote them in, and they make a huge impact on the school and greater community. While our Council is small we are mighty and we make our fund-raising dollars stretch to include, community outreach, charities here and elsewhere, relief for disasters, the school library, new AV equipment for the gym, supply teachers so the teacher/coaches can accompany their teams, graduation, confirmation and the list goes on.

So why I am I blogging with an obvious point I need to make? One of the members of Council is not attending because their son has his first soccer game tonight and they have not forwarded the pertinent information we need to make this meeting matter. We have known about the meeting for weeks so in my opinion there is no excuse. We all make an effort to attend the meetings and be prepared, how rude to waste our time when we can't make any decisions tonight based on one person's thoughtlessness.

I think I am done now. I am sure many of you have much worse PTA stories to tell. I just get very annoyed when everyone is making a concerted effort to attend these meetings and a few key players are not holding up their end of the deal.

I am off now to eat my real dinner, yummy chicken drumsticks all sticky and gooey from the oven with some rice. Yum. The cereal was my appetizer because I just could not wait a single second longer to eat, I get like that when I am hungry - all shaky and crazy and need to eat NOW.

Off to school now for the meeting, my head is already running several nicer versions of the above to share with the Council, we all need to play nice in the sandbox.

Monday Musings - Is it hot in here?

While on her grand adventure vacation Alpha DogMa and I engaged in a discussion about our high school/university Celebrity Lists. She challenged me in my comment's to make it a mini-meme, so for the hell of it - here goes. This goes with the disclaimer that actually sleeping with these people, or really anyone besides Hubby is rather an icky thought to me now. I fancy myself more in lust with these people, more along the lines they are nice to look at...Oh who am I kidding.

For those of you that read my blog with any regularity (thanks guys, you are small in number, but big in heart) I don't really dabble in this area. Call me a prude, but any kind of bow chicka bow wow or rumpusing is better left for others to discuss. Those who can make it all sound funny and sexy and not at all as awkward as I think it sounds when I say it. That said I am still going to play along, I could use a little eye-candy right about now.


The list is defined as:

A list created by the individuals of a monogamous relationship at the point of becoming exclusive in order to notate which celebrities they are allowed to have sex with, if given the opportunity, and will not have committed any kind of wrong-doing that may conflict with the current terms of monogamy agreed upon by the individuals of the relationship.


Uh, yeah right. So I won't mind a bit if Hubby dallies around as long as it is someone from his list. Let's suspend reality here and go along with it. What is funny is that while I am trying to recall my past list, I realized that there are not many changes. What does that say about me? I have a type and I stick to it? My tastes really have not changed or matured? I do not really want to delve too deep here, so here is my old list (to my best recollection), I am leaving out my current list, a girl needs a little mystery.

Celebrity List of the Past
1) Tom Cruise. I don't really need to explain Top Gun do I? This was before he was strange and all into his cult, I mean religion. I actually took Ron Hubbard's books out of the library to try to understand Scientology a bit. The God honest truth is I had no idea what I was reading, it was all gobbledy-gook. He still has his moments of appeal to me, but then I think of Katie's vacant face and it quickly vanishes.



2) "Holden Synder" As the World Turns - actor Jon Hensley. My step-Grandmother watched this soap and babysat me during the summer. I quickly became hooked into the Holden-Lily storyline and he is still on the soap today. I don't watch anymore, but I think he may have been my first real crush. I still love the name Holden to this day and always claim it came from, Cather in the Rye, um busted.




3) Denzel Washington
I think it was Malcolm X that did it for me since I can't really recall what the first movie I saw with Denzel was, if it wasn't that one. I loved this movie and he was amazing, and I was sold.




4) Harrison Ford
This one is obvious, Star Wars was my first taste of Harrison, a great boys name in my opinion too. Then there was Indiana Jones and my fascination with older leading men was sealed. All these years later he is still hot.



5) Bruce Willis

This began with Moonlighting and only got worse with the Die Hard franchise. While I think of him as "John McClane" from Die Hard his film career is really quite varied and I have enjoyed most of his films. He has that bad boy, not trying too hard quality I am so drawn to...and I like his voice which from my choices is pretty obvious I think that voices can carry me quite far.


There are a few new ones I could add in, but the mature leading men preference (as opposed to the latest boy toy actors) has not changed and now includes George Clooney, Colin Firth and Hugh Grant among others.

Who is on your fantasy list? Do you even still have one and has it changed much? I can't say I had thought much about this in recent years, but it was fun to think about!

Happy Monday.

Monday Musings - On Thursday?

I guess since it is my blog I can do this...this flagrant disregard of the rules. Since we have been back from Long Island, NY I have wanted to post about the drive, party, family, etc., but it somehow seems so far away. It was all so vivid and I kept thinking I must blog about this, but when we returned I felt myself straining to remember what it was I wanted to say. I really love Alpha DogMa's By the Numbers posts so I think I am going to sum up our trip exactly that way.



By the Numbers Long Island, NY Engagement Party Version

10 the number questions at the border crossing (possibly could have been higher, but I am guesstimating 10.) We were very thoroughly questioned which proceeded to wake up both the girls - err. Prior to the questioning our biggest worry was whether we would be allowed to bring our homemade baked goods over. That question was never asked.

It also included these ditties from the border guy:

"Who has engagement parties?" This was after he wanted to see the invitation.
"What are the names of the people getting engaged?" Hubby struggles to remember cousin's fiancees name at this point.
"Where is the husband/father in the car ahead of you?" Well, they are divorced and he is joyfully not here with us. (Sister-in-law and three kids were in the car ahead of us and mentioned that the two cars behind her were traveling together.)

9 the time Rosebud fell asleep in her stroller at the party, before her dinner even arrived. Papoosie Girl fell asleep an hour later on two chairs with her head on my lap after crying for half an hour about the loud music - the Greek band WAS loud. The rest of the kids at the party danced and ran around the dance floor long after we left...my girls are just like Mommy not exactly party animals.

8 the number of miles our hotel was from our relatives house!

7 the number of first cousins gathered together on my hubby's side. Out of 7 people there are two sets that have the same name. This is very common and hubby has about five cousins on the other side with the same name. In the Greek culture it is customary to name your children after the paternal grandparents, hence cousins with the same name. This wreaks havoc for instance when we were planning our wedding and got back RSVP cards from several families with the same name...thank goodness I had numbered the cards.

6 the number of times I have chuckled while writing this and remembering Rosebud saying, "U Nork" and the Statue of "Liverty" while typing this up.

5 the number of times I have gone back to stare at some of the photos of the party. When did I get so huge? Is that really how I look to others? This is also the number of new undies I got from Victoria's Secret, the only underwear I wear and the only underwear you will never have to fish out of your butt, EVER, they are that good.

4 the number of hours the girls spent in the hotel pool. The highlight of the trip for them, well along with Dylan's.

3 the number of hours we spent at the mall Saturday morning wasting time and eating candy at Dylan's Candy Bar. (Could help explain #5, all those Jelly Belly's I ate...)

2 the number of engagement parties left to go to in Long Island, NY in the next few years.

1 times a thousand is the number of 1 dollar bills tossed in the air at the bride and groom while dancing. These "singles" all go to the band as tips and the dance floor is littered with them all night.

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The weekend had many fun and wonderful moments despite the hectic pace and general disregard for any schedule we might follow on a normal day. We were all glad to be home and back to "normal" and I am looking forward to the wedding next June since we are going to stay longer and make a vacation out of it. We are excited to take the girls to New York City and show them the sights. Well I am less excited, more nervous, but hubby's genuine excitement makes up for it.

One of these days I will do a real life, My Big Fat Greek Life post. There are some wonderful and wacky things I would love to document and share. I promise to get started...as soon as this woeful, procrastinating, cranky mood lifts.

Monday Musings - Monday again?

Well I had grand intentions of finishing my post about mother's, mine in particular; but that didn't happen. Then I tried to condense (it is way too big to post on You Tube) a really cute movie of Rosebud just talking and saying some really funny stuff, but I could not figure out how to do it. Then I thought of blogging about all the cute things she has been saying lately, but that seemed too cutesy. Then I thought of blogging about how Papoosie Girl is doing so well lately and hardly has any asthma symptoms, but that seems like begging the Murphy's Law jinx gods for an attack. Then there was that great article in the Globe & Mail (or maybe The Star, we get both papers) this weekend about kids and learning and math and this great teacher, but I recycled it already and am just too lazy to go find it. Then it was a poetic and insightful post about spring and how the girls are so loving all the tulips and daffodils they are seeing everywhere and asking all kinds of deep and profound questions about life.

So that leaves me with a Monday Musings with very little to muse at the moment. So um...how are things with you? Read any great books, seen any good movies, we really don't get to talk much anymore do we? Have an interesting meme you want to start? Let's dish and just spend a few moments catching up shall we?

Let me know and in the meantime I will work on getting those posts finished, maybe even by next Monday. Then again maybe not as we are off to Long Island, NY this weekend so next Monday maybe even bleaker. Then again after a 10 hour road trip with about 15 members of hubby's family, a family party to attend then followed by a 10 hour drive back the next day I might just give me enough fodder for a whole series of posts.

If you want to see how a post of half thoughts can sound go visit Bub & Pie, you will see why she is the teacher....

Monday Musings - World Asthma Day

May 1, 2007 is World Asthma Day.

Tomorrow hubby and I will be attending an event at The Credit Valley Hospital, where the Asthma Education Centre is hosting a community wide World Asthma Day. The theme for this year’s event is “You Can Control your Asthma”. We were invited by the Asthma Clinic nurse we met last year. Papoosie Girl has asthma and while we are fairly confident this is not immediately life-threatening, it is a chronic disease we live with and manage every day.


In case you are new to this here is how the Lung Association of Ontario defines asthma:

Asthma is a chronic inflammatory condition of the airways and one of the most prevalent chronic conditions in Canada. Asthma can develop at any age, but is most common in childhood. As many as 1 in 5 children and 1 in 10 adults has asthma. The airways of a person with asthma differ from someone without asthma because the airways of those with asthma become inflamed (swollen) and are extra-sensitive or twitchy (hyper responsive). The inflammation and hyper responsiveness cause airways to respond to a variety of triggers, such as cold air and cigarette smoke.

Did you know that?

• Approximately 500 Canadians die each year as a result of asthma.
  
• Asthma rates have quadrupled over the past twenty years. There are over 60,000 admissions to Canadian hospitals for the treatment of asthma.
  
• Over 12,200 children under the age of 18 are hospitalized annually for asthma in Ontario. In Ontario, asthma is the leading cause of hospital admission for children.
  
• In Ontario, as many as one in five children and one in ten adults has asthma.

Learning to live with asthma has been a on-going process of us, from her earliest diagnosis to hitting rock bottom one Christmas Eve. It is only in the last year and a half that we have really understood what it meant to live with a chronic disease. For many reasons we resisted this label and spent most of our time reacting to the symptoms as opposed to managing the disease and preventing them. As parents we are constantly told opposing information, "don't run to the doctor for every minor sniffle" followed by, "how could you not take care of this obvious problem." We spend our days wildly swinging between hyper-alert and benevolent neglect hoping to reach an acceptable middle ground.

Papoosie Girl was diagnosed early on at around the age of three. Prior to that she did show symptoms, but my family doctor felt it was too early for the label. It started innocent enough with colds turning nasty with lots of coughing and my doctor prescribing inhalers ("rescue" medication - the bronchodilator Ventolin and an anti-inflammatory drug - Flovent) for when she was coughing a lot. We would use these for a day or two then forget about them until the next cold. I felt very strongly that they just were not necessary for every day use. She was fine when she wasn't sick and I didn't want her (first of many misunderstandings about the disease) to become dependent on them.

Papoosie Girl actually had many other separate issues which we realized were linked to her asthma. She suffered eczema as a baby and also suffers seasonal allergies. She also had an intolerance to cow's milk when we switched from formula to milk. When we switched to soy milk, which she still drinks today she was fine. All of these seemingly unrelated problems all fall under what is considered "allergic diseases" including asthma. As she got older we started putting the pieces together and began the process of building a plan that would help her.

We were muddling along for about two years basically treating the asthma symptoms when they were severe, which was mostly when she was sick with a cold and once they subsided we more or less ignored it. It all came to a head in the fall of 2005. We had been seeing our regular family doctor for her asthma and that fall she had missed over 10 days of school. Every time she caught the slightest sniffle her asthma would flare up. For her that meant coughing non-stop all night until she often threw-up. Her "rescue" medication was not working and neither were the stronger anti-inflammatories we had started giving her. She was also at this point taking another drug daily called Singulair to help with her allergies which were triggering her asthma. She would be exhausted by morning and could not go to school. I kept waiting for it to get better and we had been to the doctors many times, in my gut I just knew this wasn't working. A child should not have to live like this I kept thinking. This was just not an acceptable way to live.

After suffering all through November and December it all came crashing down on Christmas Eve 2005. After everyone left our house and the girls were asleep we sat down in our dark living room to admire the tree lights and take in a moment of quiet. Before long Papoosie Girl was coughing and I was up in her room. Her coughing was out of control and I didn't want to take her to Emergency so I gave her another puff and we headed downstairs so we would not wake Rosebud up. We sat up all night watching the tree lights and it was like a realization hit me that I owed her so much more than this - to sit up coughing and gagging on Christmas Eve. I made her a promise that we were not going to do this anymore - we were going to get help.

I had a brochure from a pediatric walk-in clinic and we had gone there a few times on weekends with ear infections and bad colds when our family doctor was closed. They are open every Saturday and Sunday and all holidays. I started dialling Christmas morning while we opened presents and secured a spot for 1pm. Never mind the spin this put on our plans for the day, but I was determined, crazed even, to make this stop - even if it was Christmas Day. After opening gifts at our house we headed to my in-laws to visit, then we were coming back to our place to have dinner with my Mom and her husband. I left Hubby and Rosebud with my in-laws and Papoosie Girl and I headed to the clinic, it felt so strange to be driving on near empty roads to the doctors on Christmas Day, I remember driving by Tim Horton's and saw that it was open and I was shocked. I didn't have the heart to stop.

We arrived for our appointment and found the clinic busy but not crazy. When it was our turn and our doctor walked in I basically let it all pour out and dumped out a ziploc bag of medication and pleaded for his help. He quickly changed our entire plan - not that what we were doing was "wrong" it turned out to be just not nearly aggressive enough for her symptoms. He immediately switched her from the inhalers to the nebulizer and increased the dosages on everything. He set us on a strict plan for using the nebulizer up to six times a day and slowly weaning her down and closely monitoring her symptoms and triggers. I started a binder to keep track of everything and even came up with a spreadsheet to tick off her treatments and symptoms each day. This pediatrician sat with us for an hour (we turned out to be the last patient fortunately) and when we left there I felt better than I had in months. He asked to see her again and has been treating her asthma for over a year now. I remember heading straight to Shoppers Drug Mart from the clinic and the surreal feeling as I shopped on Christmas Day for a machine to help my daughter breathe and walking out with bags of medication. I was so hopeful and scared for her all at once. That night she coughed much less and by the next night she slept all night. In my mind it really was a miracle.

Shortly after that he recommended we visit an asthma education clinic (almost all hospitals have them) and we did and brought Papoosie Girl with us. The nurse spent nearly two hours with us answering all of our questions and talking to her and showing her what asthma is all about. In a few short weeks we went from being at the mercy of this disease to being able to spot a flare-up coming on and being about to prevent it or at least shorten it. This is one of the key elements in managing her asthma, figuring out her triggers. We already knew colds were a huge trigger, but now we needed to figure out the rest, which include, changes in weather, smog, animals and even cold air. At the slightest hint of a cold now we know to increase her treatments to prevent a full-blown attack. Seems like common sense, but when we didn't really understand that we would waiting for the symptoms then treating - huge difference.


Her life is really no different from other kids. She can play sports we are just careful about too much running and we need to watch colds very carefully. We travel everywhere with her medication in case we need it and her school is well informed of her asthma. She will do her treatments on the nebulizer just about anywhere and we have an adapter so she can even do it in the van. It has become a part of her life just like anything else and she is not at all bothered by it. We have some wonderful books about asthma and the Lung Association sent us a huge package of material for me and with activities for her. They were and continue to be a wonderful resource for us, you can call them with any question and they will answer. The material they sent me was life-saving, it really helped me understand what living with asthma means.

There were days when I thought I just couldn't do this and words like, "we are managing" seemed a million miles away. It really has been a process of us not only understanding, but accepting this and only then were we able to move on. We have faith that as she gets older the symptoms will be less severe, you never really "outgrow" asthma as some say and we know she will have this her entire life. I want to make sure that the disease is managed so that there is as little damage to her lungs as possible, I do not want this to hamper her teenage and adult years in any way.

So we will go tomorrow night and learn more and better ways of coping. We owe her that much. The slogan, "if you can't breathe nothing else matters" really resonates with me. There is nothing so helpless as watching your child gasp for breath. I am confident we are on the right path now and that makes me breathe a little easier too.

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If anyone has any specific questions I would be happy to answer them. I have read several great books and researched quite a bit on childhood asthma. While I am no doctor I could certainly point you in the right direction. Email me if you want at rosebudandpapoosiegirl@yahoo.ca

Monday Musings - Strange Weather -When turtlenecks and capris live together

For most of us in Southern Ontario this was one of those weekends that is so beautiful it brings us outside in droves. The white, pasty legs of winter make their debut, windows are thrown open, the cars were being washed and garages swept out. Normally, this weekend is in May and I cannot recall one of these weekends happening in April, what Global Warming?! As you can see the girls spent time helping Daddy clean the van and then decided to decorate the van with their skipping ropes for a party. Since I was inside for most of the day I am seeing all this for the first time as I download the photos from the camera.

Hubby spent all day Sunday cleaning out the garage, cleaning out all salt and snacks out of the van; while the girls happily played around him. Since I was suffering horribly with a splitting headache I spent the day in the house rummaging around the totes with the summer clothes. As I'm folding a basket of laundry that has flannel pj's and turtlenecks I am simultaneously filling the girls drawers with t-shirts and capris. I used to think I am the only person who spends hours rotating the clothes, but after my neighbour told me she was up until 1:30am doing the same thing I didn't feel so hopeless.

If you would have told me before I had kids that this is one of the most time consuming jobs ever, I would not have believed you. It is not so bad for Papoosie Girl, I pull out the tote with all of her clothes from last summer, try to figure out what fits; then put it all in her drawers once I empty out the cords and sweaters. It is much harder for Rosebud and after I go through the same process for her I need to make a "too small" pile to pass along to our friends. Then I need to figure out what of Papoosie Girl's clothes will fit Rosebud this summer, not what she just outgrew, but usually the summer before. Then there is the adventure of pulling it all out, figuring out what will fit her (their body shapes are different) and what I still like, etc. I realize this sounds like a load of hooey, but believe me this takes much more time than I ever could have imagined. Not to mention I try to sort the winter stuff I am taking out into piles of "for sure won't fit next fall" and "might fit next fall" to make the next season change easier.

Sometimes I am tempted to dump it all and start fresh, but besides the obvious cost factor that just seems like even more work. Then the funny things is it seems like Rosebud has so many clothes and none all at once...she will have 25 t-shirts that are for play and nothing for going out. Or she will have tons of shorts, but I can't find any capris in the totes. It is like a huge conspiracy so I have to not only sort what I have, but figure out what I need and then make a list and figure out which Grandma is going to take care of it for me.

Yeah yeah I know. BIG problems to have...Trust me if you felt as crappy as me this weekend you would understand this was a problem, albeit tiny. And don't think I have put away all the winter stuff - that is just begging for a snowfall. I did that a few years ago, I put all the winter stuff away only to have the temperatures drop a week later, causing me to stomp to the basement for warmer clothes. Nope this year the turtlenecks and capris will have to live together in the drawers for a few weeks until I am certain winter is really over. Mother Nature can't fool me, nope not this year.
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This was a good weekend...despite all my bitching and complaining. We had a surprise 60th Birthday/Retirement party for my Mom Saturday. It was so much work, but completely worth it and I am sure contributed to my lethargy Sunday, I was wiped out from the party prep. My Mom was shocked and surprised so we did our job...I can't believe she is retiring. It is making me feel a little old today.
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I hope everyone enjoyed the weekend!