Monday, June 11, 2007

Monday Musings - Shh I think I am becoming a b@$%h

In recent weeks, well really months I have found myself speaking up and out in a way I never have done before. If you knew me in my real life you would know I have never been one to make waves or cause a fuss. I may be a talker, but conflict has never been my speciality. I would rather lop my own arm off than start a fight with someone.

That was then. In the last little while I have not only confronted people I have engaged them in a way I have never done before with little regard for the pot I was stirring. I find myself much less tolerant of situations where there is an easy way to resolve it, I am not interested in finding a manager or consulting a guide; I want resolution and I want it now.

I have no tolerance for silly, politically correct, dancing around something conversations. I hear my voice saying things like, "what is it exactly you are trying to say?" or worse, "is there a point you are trying to make?" My frustration bubbles up so fast these days and threatens to boil over into all the burners much too often. A fellow School Council member was recently quizzing me about the discussion in the meeting they had missed, asking me over and over why didn't I bring this or that up. I finally said, "if you were so concerned you should have been at the meeting last night." I was not asked anymore questions.

I am afraid my sudden tell it like it is attitude is going to land me in big trouble soon. I recently snatched a lollipop out of Rosebud's startled mouth while visiting some family. I had been very clear that the girls were not to be eating any more candy. I have repeated asked this family member to not ply my children with cookies and candy each time they see them (which is not all that often, but often enough), offer them something else I would suggest if you really think they are hungry. So the other day I snapped and told them that each time they fill the girls pockets with treats I throw them out. To be fair this family member agreed it was just their way of getting an extra hug out of them, and has since agreed to lay off the candy.

We have so many friends with kids with fillings and the dental bills to prove it. Kids as young as 4 and 5 having root canals, silver teeth, and fillings. Is candy all to blame? Nope, the dentist cites saliva issues and high bacteria counts, but you know what - it cannot be helping. My Mom gave the girls Crocs for Easter this year in my war against unnecessary treats and my Step mom gave them Chapters gift cards. And no the Easter Bunny did not leave a trail of frozen peas, we had chocolate, plenty of it - I am just trying hard to limit the flow into the house.

I digress. I am a bitch I fear these days. No one is immune from my wrath it seems. I have adopted an attitude that enables me to speak much more freely though and not get pushed around half as much. Hubby jokes that I was sooo much easier to get along with before, but I know this is what he has always wanted for me, to find my voice and use it. When I met him I could scarcely order from a menu without checking with him first. I was recovering from a very combative relationship where I quickly learned to keep my mouth shut. I think initially, I was so relieved to be able to think and speak freely I was simply happy enough with that. Years later though I find myself wanted more, willing to step up to the conflict a wee bit more. I will never be a yeller or a fighter, it is just inherently not my nature. That doesn't mean though that I am not embracing this other side of myself. They say life's a bitch, they just haven't met me yet.

13 comments:

Alpha DogMa said...

I don't think you are being a bitch. You're just being direct.

While I am always the first to mock Oprah, I do like when she talks about women needing to be cured of "the disease to please." I suffer from it, but less so with each passing day.

When I ended my own "very combative relationship" I indulged in messiness. No need for things to be placed at right angles, with everything just so. It was freeing and even now - I love a bit of chaos.

Also, thanks for the meme tag!

Beck said...

Ah, candy. My mother-in-law desperately loves to ply my children with candy, in her attempts to buy their love and I love, rather meanly, to throw out all of her sugary love offerings as soon as she's out of my house.

Christine said...

I am glad you found your voice. But don't call yourself a bitch! You are just strong.

And good for you for telling that person they should have been at the meeting.

Omaha Mama said...

You make me think of that song. "I'm a bitch. I'm a lover. I'm a child. I'm a mother. I'm a sinner. I'm a saint. I do not - - -" Never could catch that last part when it was on the radio. And got rather sick of it from overplay.

Now I digress. I'm a people pleaser to a fault. I avoid conflict at my own expense. I'm glad you're becoming more direct. It's always a goal of mine. I step around issues in an effort not to offend or make people "feel bad". And then when I look around, people who are really respected, are those who just SAY IT.

Good for you! Be a BITCH!!! :-)

bubandpie said...

Those are some fantastic comebacks. I think the worst confrontations are those in which the "attacker" is actually nervous, or forcing herself to confront something. People who are confidently assertive, who don't apologize for their words with phrases like "No offense but..." are easier to hear.

bubandpie said...

Oh, and the ending of the line is "I do not feel ashamed." Don't!

Tim said...

You're never a bitch to me. :) But then again I don't think anyone besides my sister is. haha

Interesting blog post though.

Tim said...

Hey I just noticed you were nominated for an award? It must be all that free time you have to get on the blog. Hahaha...

Mimi said...

Innnnnnnteresting. Maybe you've just hit the age and stage where it seems that life is too short to not tell it like it is, rather than life is too short to have conflict?

It's wonderful that you are developing confidence enough in yourself to assert what you think!

(I've always been very bossy and noisy: I'm learning to shut up.)

Yay for you. Ride it out for a while and see how it suits you ...

Jen said...

Mimi you hit it exactly, I do feel like life is too short to waste - in a real way not just a tired cliche way.

Yes, that is exactly it. I don't seek conflict or even want it, but I also don't want to waste my time on seemingly innocent interactions in disguise.

Sarah in Montana said...

You'll be amazed at how being direct can get things done... and people won't question you being a 'bitch' as long as you let them know why. No worries. I'd say you sound strong!

Oh, The Joys said...

Just think "TAWANDA!!! I AM THE QUEEN!!" when you say these things and you'll be fine.

Haley-O said...

I think being a mom does that to you. :) I'm a lot more assertive and outgoing since the monkey was born....