Thursday, April 10, 2008

I think you might be on to me

No new post since February, I think you are definitely on to me. It is not that I don't love blogging or anything, but I think I realized early on that I am much more of a reader and don't seem to have the discipline to pump out regular posts. They are always in my mind lurking about, threatening to spill out, but then there is ALWAYS something that needs to done, sheets to be washed, kids fed, gifts to shop for, medication to pick up, appointments, Survivor to watch - you get the idea. Then I sometimes think that while I have my own voice I find so many of my favourite bloggers pluck the very thoughts and words right out of my head and I have a little sigh and think well there, it is said and done.

Life is full at this stage, the stage where whole other human beings are dependent on you for their very survival. It makes me tired quite frankly and while this blogging world is my coveted playground for my mind and soul it is not always easy to find the time to visit.

Things are still a never-ending battle of sick with both girls on antibiotics right now and Papoosie Girl in an asthma flare-up thanks to the change in temperature. When we have days of hot and cold mixed together she goes into attack mode.

It hasn't been all doom and gloom though. Papoosie Girl had her First Communion last weekend which was sweet and sad all mixed together. She made me practice with her so many times walking down our hallway clutching her hands just so - the hand you write with underneath! She wore my veil and headpiece and all around it was one of those heart wrenching moments that you are never prepared for, the moments and milestones that go undocumented in the books.

The most surreal part of the last few months was running into one of my elementary school friends, well my best friend at The Science Centre over March Break. I had run into her before a few times, but this time we were standing right next to each other while our kids looked at something and we just turned and stared at each other. There were hugs and a fast chat, there were four kids under seven at our feet and we exchanged emails and numbers. She told me our Grade 8 class is planning a reunion and that they have a facebook page set up and everything, she made me promise to get on, since I told her I have never really wanted to join all that much.

So here I have stumbled into this severe flashback with many of my former Grade 8 friends. Most of us are married with kids and some have exciting careers in the arts and some we are still trying to locate. Finding everyone and trying to fill in twenty plus years in small email sound bytes is hard. I have to tell people that no I didn't marry THAT person - for that everyone is thankful, I have to tell them my Dad passed away, that my baby brother is married and all this is filling my head and heart with clouds of memories.

We are still working on setting a date for the reunion and I know I will go and love catching up with everyone, but there are places I don't really want to visit, memories that are better left as a distant vision, blurred and soft in the distance.

On a completely unrelated topic and an admittedly terribly awkward change in direction, is anyone as fascinated with Jon & Kate Plus 8 or is it just me? I am hooked on this show and not just because they communicate with each other a lot (not totally but a lot) like myself and my husband, but I am completely mesmerized by this family. Not the worst show to watch I know, but I really can't put my finger on why I love it so much. I mean the kids are adorable and love their attitude of creating a normal day-to-day life for their kids, but there is something more and I can't quite put my finger on it.

Spring is coming, I can feel it and with I hope it brings a lightness that I think I have been missing for awhile now. The seasons come without fail and even in our darkest hours this thought is comforting, patting me on the back saying, "shush, soon you will be warm and free."

Edited to add: Maybe I was a bit emphatic saying that my Hubby and I communicate a lot like Jon & Kate and I do realize that by some standards they come across as mean to each other...I am talking more about the reality of not always being your personal best around the person you are supposed to love and cherish the most. In our house while we are not mean to each other we do have our moments of, "how could you not know the pink hair ponies are for going out" and yes I realize that many of Jon's shortfalls are completely invented by Kate, but I think I might do that too sometimes. I love my husband like no other, but that doesn't mean he makes me a little nuts sometimes and I am sure he would say the same about me.


Mimi said...

Spring. Amen. What a lot you've got going on -- no wonder you're not posting so much, although I enjoy reading you when you do!

As for grade 8? I don't think I'd want to really revisit that time in my life--I wasn't, from what I remember, very happy or comfortable with myself, and it was all wild swings of euphoria, dejection, parnoia, sadness, and hope. God, adulthood is a blessing.

Omaha Mama said...

Good thing you posted, I've been meaning to email you and give you heck for dropping off! :-)
I miss those Monday posts!

The John & Kate Plus 8? Fascinated, absolutely. Also with the Duggars who have like 300 kids and a huge house that they built. Those shows are addictive.

Beck said...

You're a busy gal.
I have no desire to reconnect with anyone from Grade 8 ever again. Ever.
Jon and Kate? My husband can only stand to watch that show in two minute sound bites. "THEY HATE EACH OTHER," he always says. We are a painfully polite, passive-aggressive pair.

Anonymous said...

I don't like Facebook. The idea of meeting up with old classmates doesn't interest me. Mostly because I'm convinced no one remembers me. Or only remembers me with a sense of scorn. Instead of finding out, I am cultivating an air of mystery.

I think that I watch Jon&Kate for the same reasons I look at accidents scenes: I'm grateful it is NOT by reality. But I think Kate is often really mean to Jon -- she sets him up for failure and she defines 'failure' as anything less than her high standard and strict schedule. But it is addictive. And I was so happy for her when she got her tummy tucked. She earned it.

Spring is coming soon. I can tell. There is a foot of grass visible around the footings of our house. Mind you, the rest of the lawn is still under three feet. But it will happen soon.

Christine said...

i don't have cable, so i have never sen that show. but i have heard it is really good.

and this post was lovely.

Haley-O said...

Thank you SO much for the compliment, Jen! So honoured.... :)

As for ANY CLASS REUNION? Fogetaboutit! I.e., no friggin WAY!

And, one more thing? Just because we might blog about something, doesn't mean you can't, too!!! We love your point of view, always!

Mad said...

I've never seen that show but my husband and I love the fact that we rile each other up. Doing so and then laughing at it seem so "us" and we wouldn't change that for all the world.

I'm glad to see you're posting here and there. This blogging is a tough mistress. She would eat you alive if you let her. You are one of those people that I think has found a good sense of balance with it. I envy that.

NotSoSage said...

Mad's right. Blogging is a tough mistress, and I often feel I'm drowning, but I tend to drop both reading and writing and feel terribly about both.

Don't feel terribly about posting so rarely. Do it when you can and we'll enjoy catching up with you.

I don't have a TV but I am on Facebook and it's all a bit surreal isn't it? But a Grade 8 class reunion? There would certainly be some of those memories I wouldn't want to revisit.

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Kyla said...

I met and started dating my husband in grade 8. Heh. It was a big year for me. LOL.

Thanks for stopping by my blog!

Janet said...

Would you believe I actually went to a Grade 8 class reunion a few years ago? A friend talked me into going with her (we weren't friends back then but we are now). It was a surreal experience.

Thanks for stopping by my place!

Jen said...

Hey - I'm a Jenifer, too! So I felt compelled to leave you a comment. We adore Jon & Kate at our house, too. My husband and I can both see ourselves in that relationship...

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