Friday, July 06, 2007

Flower Girls

My brother is getting married next weekend. Both the girls are flower girls, their first time and they are practically bursting with excitement. We have been to many dress fittings and related getting ready for a wedding errands. Tonight is the wedding rehearsal at 7:30pm at the Church, a time that normally would be filled with nice, quiet activities before bed. I fear going out to something so thrilling at bedtime may bring on a level of excited behaviour I am frankly not up for tonight.

After the rehearsal is dinner, which we may or may not attend. It is being held at my Step-Mom's house - my brother's Mom - the back story being my Dad and Mom divorced when I was quite young. My Dad remarried and had two more children, the elder, my brother is getting married next weekend. My Dad has since passed away, 11 years ago this August, he was 48 years old.

She lives about 30 minutes away from the Church so we may pass since this means the party will be starting around 9pm, and while I feel bad, it is just so late for the girls and to top it off it is another 30-40 minute drive back to our house after the party.

Rosebud has been fighting a cold for the last few days and I just want her to get all the rest she can this weekend. This wedding while we are involved we are not. It is just one of those things. The bride has a huge and involved family who are really handling everything well, not to mention her sister, cousins and countless friends. While we picked the dresses for the girls together the rest has really been all me. Deciding on their shoes, hairstyle, etc. has been fun in an exhausting kind of way. It is strange to be a part of the wedding and so much on the outside, odd somehow.

Hubby and I have also prepared the slide show for the wedding, all of their baby pictures and together pictures set to music all thanks to Hubby's talents in iMovie (I think?) anyway it is so amazing and quite a tear-jerker. No one has seen it except my sister and my Mom so I am really excited to show this off at the wedding. We never did anything like this for our wedding and I kind of wish we did, I guess it wasn't the rage ten years ago.

This wedding while a fun distraction and joyous event is bringing to the surface many, many wishes and regrets. My Dad should be here to see this, to set everyone straight, to witness his second eldest getting married. I think by now everyone thinks, while this was a tragedy, you really should have moved on by now. And I have in many ways. This wedding though is different, my babies will walk down the aisle so proud and my heart will be leaping with a million bounces of joy and be breaking into a million shards of sorrow too. I am so happy both my Mother and her husband and my in-laws will be there to see the spectacle. I want the girls to know they are loved by so many people and their circle of family may not be conventional (my Mom is attending my brother's wedding) it is full of love for them. They have three "Grandma's" and they love them all. They are lucky girls for sure. I just wish that providence saw to it that we were just a tiny bit luckier. That would have been something. Of course, even saying this out loud makes me want to knock on everything, in hopes that God knows how truly and grateful and blessed I feel. I am blessed, I know that, my heart just needs convincing sometimes.


Alpha DogMa said...

The girls look lovely. The dresses are wonderfully girlish and so sweet.

I have trouble dealing with the nuclear family dynamics of my family and the OmegaMan's family - so I'm overwhelmed by this blended family you've created. But being motivated by love for the girls, is such a great thing.

I really dislike this term 'moving on.' To my thinking, grief isn't something you ever leave behind and never see again. It is something you revisit whenever you need to, and for however long you want.

Take care.

aka she who knocks on wood constantly

bubandpie said...

I'm with AD - it's a natural part of the grieving process that events like this reawaken feelings of loss. In a sense it's a new loss, the absence of your father from so significant an event.

NotSoSage said...

Oh, the girls look so sweet. And listen to ADM. She's funny, but she's also wise.

We are dealing with blended family dynamics, but what I love about it is our ability to normalise all of that stuff for Mme L. She knows that her daddy had two dads and one mom and that each played a special role in his life. It's wonderful that your mom has been invited to the wedding.

Beck said...

Your girls are so pretty!
Grief is such a personal thing. I think that sometimes, you just can't expect to ever get over something, really.

Oh, The Joys said...

They looks so adorable!

Jenifer said...

You guys are the best! Your comments make me smile and nod and feel so much better.

We do have a wonderful blended family and my Mom (and her husband) will be at my step-brother's wedding. Awesome, I know. I know of families that are not blended and people are not even speaking to each other, friends we know have banned one set of parents from their lives. They have not met their second grandchild over some kind feud - that is a tragedy.

You are so right about grief too, it does feel like a new loss in so many ways and it is something I suppose you never really get over or even used to.

I promise to post a shot of the girls from the wedding day in all their finery. It will be a cute overload I fear.

You are some fine ladies and I thank you for your kind words.

Mimi said...

First off -- the girls look so beautiful, and even better, so proud of themselves. Touching.

Second -- grief takes its time. How can you 'get over' something like the loss of a parent, particularly in a situation like a wedding and a gathering of family. I hope that people will be understanding -- and I suspect they may.

Third -- I did up one of those slideshows for a friend's wedding. They really are a lot of work! But so so worth it when everyone is oo-ing and ah-ing at the reception :-)