Thursday, November 23, 2006

Why? Why? Why?

I keep asking myself why do I want to do this? This being starting my own blog. My initial intention was to keep a living diary of our family, just for us really. Then there is my sister in South Korea for the next year who we miss terribly and this seemed like a good way for her to keep track of us. So I jumped in, stayed up until 1am one night and poof I had a blog. Then I stalled-big time. I kept reading my ever growing list of favourites and commenting on (up until recently) just Catherine's blog but, never quite embraced my own blog. I read of blog burnout and became afraid before I even started...I kept thinking if this isn't rewarding or even fun then why do it at all?

Every time I read a great post on someone else's blog I think this is why I don't need to write anything about anything (except about my family) since there are so many other great blogs out there where I hear my own voice as I read the magic words. Words about things I think and feel. I say "yes!" that is exactly what I think about whatever the topic at hand is.

Then Catherine (Newman) asked the question recently and made me think about it all over again. These are some of the thoughts I shared on her comments when she asked the questions why do you keep a blog, why do you read other people's blogs, and does it all affect the way you parent or think about parenting. Tough questions with a lot of whys built in.

Some of the answers I came up with...

I started it to keep a living history of our family where everything feels so endless and fleeting all at once. I was completely inspired by Catherine's postings at Baby Center and her new blog. This is a slippery slope I have discovered. After reading only Catherine's posts for so many years I feel a bit like I over ate at the buffet by the gluttony of posts I am trying to read now. I read them because it is so personal and anonymous at the same time. I learn things, relate to people and generally take comfort in the fact that while we may not all be the same we all love our kids to death, are terrified daily of losing them, and generally can't even imagine life before them.

When I read great blogs like Bub and Pie, I constantly nod in agreement and say to myself I so hear you. These postings have always resonated with me in a way that nothing else ever did - kind of a kindred spirits thing without ever having met. These wonderful writers can put into words my feelings of deepest love, silliest worries, darkest thoughts and make it all seem so effortless.

So I guess the answer lies herein, blogs give you a sense of comfort that there are parents all over the planet going through the exact same thing you are going through. Reading and writing blogs heals your soul and is like a nice cool washcloth on your forehead all at the same time.

I KNOW I am a better and more mindful parent for having met these other wonderful families. I try very consciously to be more mindful and to remember we really do hold their hearts in our hands one of the most memorable lines I gleaned from Catherine.

Maybe I just have grand ambitions of becoming one of the "popular" bloggers but, I don't think so. I kind of like pulling my chair up to the buffet while I only bring an appetizer. There are so many great blogs to visit for now that fills me up while I slowly work on my corner of the blogosphere. I like the idea of preserving a living history, saving on therapist bills and the feeling I get from reading something so familiar I feel like the words have been pulled right out of my brain.

Not sure the "why" has been answered and not sure it matters. I have things to say and will say them from time to time. In the meantime I will shamelessly visit my favourites and work on getting my corner of the world up and running.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends.


Anonymous said...

It seems like there's a book title in there somewhere: Day and Night at the All-You-Can-Eat Buffet: My Life as a Blogger. I think I constantly have that just-one-more-bite feeling as I add ever more blogs to my daily reads. And then along comes a Friday night like this, when I'm stuck at home, and feeling sad because I snapped at my children today, and nobody's posting because it's the I surf around looking for new blogs. Because you can never have enough...

Jenifer G. said...

Sorry you had a bad day. I hope Bub is feeling better. I was so snappy at my eldest was supposed to be a special day with just my Papoosie Girl (she had a PA Day). Trip to the dentist, errands, and lunch her choice-wild guess...large yellow arches were involved. On a complete side note who makes a children's movie called Flushables (I think that is it) my daughter got a large could it be sewer rat with her Happy Meal. Sigh. I just don't even have a thing more to say about it.

All sounds good except I was so cranky because it felt like I was the only one speaking the language today. Like the Far Side cartoon where the dog hears, "Blah, blah, blah, Ginger".

Everything I said was repeated to the point that I even forgot what I was saying. Why is it when we set up these special days they turn out so bad. I hate hearing myself so snappy and cold. She actually told me I hurt her heart. God I felt so bad. But what about my heart? I explained to her (as best as a bad Mommy can) that when she doesn't listen my heart hurts. Yikes even putting this into words sucks.
A book? Perhaps...more like a tabloid at this point. Why does this still feel oddly like a guilty voyeuristic pleasure? Sigh again. I don't think it matters as long as it is enjoyable.

I admire how you comment on your own comments to address people directly (I know others do it too). I hope you pop back over to see it proper bloggy etiquette to do it this way? Should I be talking to you on your blog to respond?

Have a wonderful weekend. I hope you are lost in a good book, or husband, or bed - or better yet all of the above.

I still have not read all your Archives...and I agree you can never have enough.

Anonymous said...

Funny you should ask about commenting-on-comments! I did a post about it way back when, wondering exactly what you've asked here - what's the protocol? Is it arrogant (believing that people are so obsessed with your blog that they'll keep coming back)? If you respond to one, must you respond individually to all?

I was just thinking the other day that I've become so much more relaxed about blogging - I no longer care whether or not other people comment-on-comments because for me the back-and-forth is so essential to my enjoyment of blogging. Not every post elicits that kind of discussion, but I get so much enjoyment out of the ones that do (especially when commenters starts going back and forth in their own private dialogues!). And I don't worry anymore about whether I've responded to everyone - I just jump in when I've got something to say and keep quiet when I don't.

That line about how you hurt your daughter's heart struck such a chord in me - I've been stretched so thin with this ear infection that my temper is about an inch long, and when I snap, even slightly, I feel HORRIBLE. Thankfully, today Bub seems like his old self - he's eating again, the fever is gone. So hopefully I can go back to bearing my inadequacies with cheerfulness soon!