Dishing out the truth

I think you are either blessed with children that eat* or sleep, not both. Sounds fairly simple, right? It is, and after no scientific study whatsoever and lots of my opinion and me studying all of our friends with children, this is the conclusion I have come to about this topic. This doesn't mean that children who sleep well eat nothing at all, or that children who sleep poorly eat liver and onions. Just in general, children are more inclined to be better at one over the other. That is the way it is in our house anyway.

*When referring to eating this does not apply to the true baby stage of nursing or formula. This applies to when babies turn into toddlers and preschoolers and can voice an opinion on their food preferences.

Mine are sleepers. I have been blessed with children that more or less have slept fairly well from early on. By about eight to ten weeks both girls slept through the night. By this, I mean had a feeding around 10pm or 11pm then slept to 5am or 6am ate and went back to sleep for a bit more. They napped with great regularity with two solid naps a day then down to one. Rosebud at 3 years old still naps about two hours every afternoon.

That is not to say we didn't experience nights from hell. When Papoosie Girl had colic she slept wherever and whenever she wanted. That included, but was not limited to, the car seat, swing, and stroller. We took her for car rides to put her to sleep many nights. We also had teething set backs, nightmares, and changes in routine. When I returned to work after my eight month maternity leave, I slept on Papoosie Girl's floor on an inflatable mattress for a week, otherwise she screamed for hours.

In general though, whatever setback we experienced we were always able to get back on track. My girls went to sleep awake, fell asleep and stayed asleep with great predictability. Sleep was something that came easily and when it didn't we were able to tough it out and get them back on track fairly easily. I did let them CIO (cry it out) occasionally, and they generally slept by themselves in their own rooms. I am not a big Family Bed proponent but, I do have friends who do it and I completely respect their decision (especially for those nursing.) Personally, it is just not for me. One, I need my sleep or am not a functioning person and I was afraid I would roll on them or somehow squish them. While I wasn't a crazed Ferber follower we did follow that mindset when treating any sleep issues. The idea being we would help them figure out how to get to sleep as opposed to doing it for them.

So they sleep, great. Now everyone is mad at us. Not so fast, life cannot really be that rosy. Although they do sleep and go to bed by 8pm every night with absolutely no fuss we pay a price. Our food situation is not exactly as show-stopping.

Up until the age of two Papoosie Girl ate just about everything you gave her. She ate meat, veggies and fruit with no qualms. She was never a fan of peaches and pears (still is not) and did not like peas (I swear I had nothing to do with that.) She ate regular meals with regular food and life was good. She could eat an entire chicken breast and we started ordering entrees for her in restaurants because I was tired of sharing and starving. I remember being in a restaurant and another mother asking me how I got her to eat "real" chicken. At the time, I remember feeling slight smugness telling her she didn't even know what a "nugget" was. Of course, that same mother would see us now and laugh. Papoosie Girl did not have a potato chip until she was three years old. With the first one I was able to control what she ate fairly well.

At around the age of two Papoosie Girl started to become "picky". When I look back now I realize it was a gradual process and something that should have been addressed at the time, not now after the fact. First it was meat, then certain vegetables, then certain fruits. Soon she had a menu of about five foods she would eat and they were mostly some form of a white carb. By the age of three she lived on her Yia Yia's homemade chicken rice soup (her only meat), grilled cheese, pancakes, french toast, scrambled eggs, macaroni with cheese, spaghetti and Parmesan, and very few veggies or fruits and absolutely no meat other than what was in the soup. Oh, she loved cookies and treats but, healthy food choices were a struggle. She also had issues with texture and no matter how much we minced things she would just not be able to eat sometimes.

Our doctor was never overly concerned about this and said that the more you force the more a toddler will resist. He told stories of kids eating one or two foods for months and they were perfectly fine. So, between my internet self-diagnosis of the problem, his advice and parenting books all echoing the same thing, I didn't obsess too much, not an easy feat for me either.

By now Rosebud was born and we were busier and more tired and it just became easier to let her eat what she wanted. Most nights hubby works past the dinner hour so it would just be me and Papoosie Girl, it seemed to exhausting to make a lovely healthy supper for two that would be diligently ignored by one of the guests. I either ate what she ate with a salad on the side or whatever yummy food my mother-in-law packed for me at my last visit.

Rosebud followed a similar pattern of being a great eater until the age of two. Then the same gradual process started to unfold. During these two years I would go on a rampage even now and then and would cook only healthy food for everyone and insist they eat/try everything. This would last a week or so and I would get tired of tossing meals out and I would go back to making them what they wanted. I would hear of families that made one dinner for everyone and the kids ate everything the adults ate, I could lie, but that would not be remotely close to, "dishing out the truth." Truth was I did not make one meal, hardly ever. The only meal we ate together was (whole wheat) spaghetti, hold the sauce for Papoosie Girl. I personally know children who eat any and everything you put in front of them, I am always amazed to see kids scarfing down grilled salmon or asparagus.

As Papoosie Girl got older we started a reward system. If she ate meat or tried a new fruit or vegetable she got a sticker on the calendar. After 10 stickers - give or take - a trip to Woodbine Mall for some rides. This has worked very well with her and she now regularly eats many of the foods we originally tried. She eats fruit now and a few veggies and although meat is still a struggle we are working on it. Her personality is suited to this reward system and after many discussions about healthy eating and studying the food pyramid she gets it. She understands now that when we put healthy things in our bodies you become a healthy person.

This strategy has not worked so well for Rosebud. She is much more stubborn and not so much a pleaser as Papoosie Girl. You can put a box of Smarties on the table and tell her if she just tastes the orange she gets them. She will tell you, "I really don't like Smarties" and walk away. She will never have a fit or beg for the treat just dismiss the whole event. I even tried a fruit party with hats, balloons, the whole works, Rosebud would not try a single fruit. She will tell you she will eat it when she is bigger, maybe when I'm four she will say.

People always assumed we were giving our girls lots of snacks but, that was not the case either. They hardly ever ate between meals. We have friends whose children cannot go twenty minutes without eating something, whether it is fruit or cereal bars or Minigo. They are constantly eating something which is something my girls never do, in fact, they could easily skip meals if you didn't prompt them.

Where is this all going? I guess I am just trying to figure out how hard I want to draw the line in the sand. I have dear friend who grew up like me an only child and meals were a battleground. She vividly remembers sitting at the table gagging down food with her stomach in knots. All the focus was on her and she remembers the horrible feeling of staring at her plate night after night. I would never subject my kids to such torture of course, but is it say mean to force a few bites of a food I know they like? We have talked about healthy food, read books and made collages, painted pictures, and created food animals and people but ultimately, I cannot eat for them. This is a power struggle of epic proportions and I just don't want to engage that way with them.

There are no definitive answers here folks, sorry. I think we are on our way to a healthier eating plan but we have a ways to go. I am so proud of Papoosie Girl for trying new foods, I know it is still hard for her and I blame myself for letting it get so out of hand. I don't want to spend the rest of their childhood trying to figure out how to "hide and disguise" food. I want mealtimes to be about sometimes having your favourites and sometimes having things that are not your favourite. I try to not describe food as good or bad, just healthy or not really healthy. They both understand that before anything not so healthy can be eaten you must fill up on healthy first. They understand that they will be strong and well if they do that, but actually doing it is sometimes a struggle. I don't want food to be the enemy, I worry they will fall into bigger food issues as they get older.

I hope that Rosebud follows her big sister's lead and there are signs of progress, a couple of nights ago she ate some salad! Rosebud is suffering from some constipation issues right now after her five days of stomach flu the first week of January and three days later a fractured foot she has just not been eating or moving enough to keep things moving. The doctor told us today we have to put her on stool softeners and natural laxatives to help things along at least until the blockages move out. If this isn't motivation enough to get us eating better I don't know what is. Watching her suffer with stomach pain and a bloated tummy is horrible.

So, the sleepers want kids who eat and the eaters want kids who sleep once in a while. I just want two healthy little girls who enjoy meals. When Papoosie Girl gets excited about Raspberry salad dressing and Rosebud eats a huge bowl of whole wheat spaghetti covered in vegetable rich sauce I know I am doing good job. I want more of that and once in a while I think I would trade a good nights sleep for it. Well, once in a while anyway.